Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dicks are not precious.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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