What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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