The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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