i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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