Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
