so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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