We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
