He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
