i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
