Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
