You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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