So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
