Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
