This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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