If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
