# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
