I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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