i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize