If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
