I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
