Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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