My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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