Where is the hickey?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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