i permit you to call me
I need help removing her.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
