remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
