I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize