My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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