Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
