i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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