MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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