Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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