I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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