Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
