So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
