i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my poor anus
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
