Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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