guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
