If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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