Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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