guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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