So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
