i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
