Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
