I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She told me I should be a condom model.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
