You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Shame - the story of my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
