# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
