Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
