I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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