If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
