U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
