Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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