I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
