maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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