problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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