You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
