New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
