I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
