I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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