does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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