I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
