Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You can't special order awesome
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
