i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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