you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
