And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
