You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
