so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
