so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
