You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
